Monday, March 31, 2008

Lip Service

Not that long ago, my husband has lunch with two female co-workers. When the meal was complete and the plates cleared, the ladies whipped out their lip liner, lipstick and gloss and started the three step process in reconstructing their kissers.

My husband, not being well-versed in women's makeup rituals asked them what they were doing. They said, "What? Doesn't your wife do this?"

"No. She doesn't wear that stuff", he replied. For the record, though I rarely put anything on my lips, I do wear makeup as I am a thoughtful member of society and don't particularly enjoy scaring others, especially small children.

So, based on this one piece of information my husband gave up about me and their knowledge that I'm a SAHM (stay-at-home mom), the ladies quickly assessed that I needed a make-over and offered up their services to my husband.

This is where I blame Oprah and her make-over episodes. She sends her people to pop in on unsuspecting SAHMs first thing in the morning, catching them in what some would consider the SAHM uniform - husband's college T-shirt, a pair of sweats, fuzzy slippers and a half-hazard ponytail atop the head - and chide the poor women for dressing like this on a daily basis.

*ahem* It's first thing in the morning, people! Guess what? Fuzzy-slipper-wearin'-Mom probably got all of four (inconsecutive) hours of sleep the night before because she was taking care of a sick baby - the same baby you see perched on her hip and had just hurled up breakfast on Mom minutes before The Oprah Brigade showed up - and, before she had a chance to clean up the apples/mango/oatmeal with cinnamon blend covering her hubby's college T-shirt, she had to first prepare two others for school, find a lost backpack, sign a permission slip she just discovered in lost backpack, pack three lunches (hubby needs one too), field two telemarketing calls, walk the dog, start a load of laundry, referee a sibling fight and tie two sets of shoes!

(feel free to punctuate that paragraph correctly)

Forgive the woman for not having her lips properly accentuated!

My husband's response to the ladies when to their horror they discovered I wasn't following standard modern woman protocol?

He said I didn't need that stuff because my lips were naturally beautiful. Awww! *thump*thump*


yogaqueen said...

This was a good one!
By the way, your punctuation is always better than mine! You must have gotten more out of high school english class than I did :)

Jen said...

What's wrong with the fuzzy slippers and sweats? I don't see the problem here. And you don't need 3 layers of lip stuff when you're wearin' comfy clothes either.

I've always thought that about Oprah makeovers too. Very funny! What a sweet husband you have, paying you the compliment like that. AAAaawww :)

Laurel said...

Here's the thing. They shouldn't have been applying all that stuff at the table anyway. It is bad manners. They should have excused themselves to the restroom according to Ms. Manners. A quick swipe of gloss is one thing, but if it requires a mirror, it's too big of a job for the table, especially if the other diners are not your intimate relations. Maybe your husband isn't aware of all your makeup woes because you don't force him to watch. So there!!!