Wednesday, October 10, 2007

My Son has a Dirty Mouth

A simple diaper change will illuminate for you the basic difference between boys and girls. But their differences go far beyond the physical. Maybe it's just the case in my home, but I don't remember London putting EVERYTHING in her mouth. Oh, sure, there were the usual things: toys, toes, keys, soap, etc. She even managed to slobber one remote control and one cell phone into electronic obliteration. But Baby Girl wasn't into the icky stuff.

The Boy, however, has no limits. And no standards, for that matter.

I have pulled an assortment of things out of Kirby's mouth. The boy likes variety, that's for sure. There's been the Barbie shoe, London's tiny hair rubberband, goldfish cracker, pieces of paper, pieces of wood (yes, WOOD), Polly Pocket clothing, carpet fuzz and Kleenex tissue (used). But the most disgusting thing, so far, occurred just the other day.

You know that fear that rises up in you when your kids are too quiet? Yeah, THAT fear. Either you're making a call to 911 or you're making a call to the plumber. Either way, it's not good.

Kirby had made his way back behind our family room chair. The chair that backs up against our sliding glass door. In the door track resides the last 2 yrs of dust & dirt and a few cricket corpses. Not a pretty sight but unless you're a baby exploring every nook-n-cranny of the house, you don't see it.

Or if you're a mom with enough on her To Do list already, you choose not to see it.

Anyway, he'd been quiet for a couple of minutes and my ever dependable "Mommy Warning System" went off in my head. It only took me a few seconds to locate the little explorer and pull him out from behind the chair. I could see immediately that he had put something in his mouth by the twinkle in his eye and extensive amount of drool pouring out from his lips.

Kirby is extra protective of the little treasures he considers edible, so it takes more than one attempt to pry open his tiny jaws and finger sweep his slobbery mouth. After the third finger sweep, I found it. Whatever "it" was, I'm not sure. But if it's possible for a furball and a dust bunny to mate, this was the offspring.

All together now - Ewwww!

So I went to in search for a passage that would go along nicely with this story, but oddly enough, the Bible doesn't say much about putting unrecognizable dirt globs in your mouth. A search of the words "dirty" and "mouth" resulted in this find:

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. ~ Ephesians 4:29 (The Message)

Well, even though Kirby cannot yet talk, he's got problems in the "Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth" part. At this point in the post I would normally write how I should probably expect to pull more disgusting treats out of his mouth in the years to come, but since beginning this writing (I started early this morning. I don't whip these out all at once, ya know) I have pulled two more mysterious-looking globs out of his mouth. And are you surprised to find out they came from two different areas of the house? Niiiice. Apparently, ever since Kirby was born, I've chosen not to see quite a bit of the dirt!

At the going rate, I should expect to pull 2,920 furball-bunny looking things out of his mouth before his 5th birthday. Do good mommies keep these things? Am I supposed to scrapbook a few of these gems? I know some mommies keep their babies first fingernail clippings. Heck, I even know of one mom who saved the small piece of crunchy umbilical cord after it fell off of her baby's belly button.

And, one more time as a group - Ewwwww!

I do have a lock of his hair saved in a Ziploc baggie. Is that good enough? Please, tell me that's good enough. I really don't want to have to develop sentimental feelings for anything else that at one time was "alive".

Well, the reality is, I'm just going to have to accept the fact that Kirby does not seem to have a discerning palette. And the fact that I'm probably not going to get to that door track anytime soon. Life is too short to let a few dust bunnies interrupt playtime with my kids. I may not be all that great with the broom sweep but, thanks to my boy, I am getting pretty darn good with the finger sweep!

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