Go See!

I did it! I launched my new blog. Go check it out:

Being The Person God Created Me To Be.

I'll be doing my best to post almost daily. To be honest, I don't know if I'll be continuing here at The Stumbling Christian. I have a few things to wrap up, but I hope you will make the move with me.

See you there!

Please Say A Prayer

A friend of mine, Cyndi, just emailed me and several of our friends asking for prayers for her friend, Anna.

Tragically, Anna lost her 15 month old son today. He died in his sleep while at the sitter's house. I don't know Anna but my heart breaks for her right now. Oh, how I wish I understood God's plans. How I wish I knew the plans He has in store for Anna. How I wish I could explain it all to her.

But there is nothing that can be said or done to wash away the pain that Anna and her husband are feeling right now. Nothing to make her say, "Oh, I feel better now. Thanks".

It's just not possible. Only God can mend her broken heart. Only God can heal her pain. Only God can get her through to the other side.

Months ago, the Holy Spirit kept me awake with a writing. He does this from time to time and I'm often compelled to get out of bed, go to my computer and type out whatever it is the Holy Spirit wants me to say. But this time was different. What the Holy Spirit was dictating to me didn't make sense to me because it didn't apply to me so I stayed in bed and somehow managed to fall asleep anyway, never typing a word.

I get it now. Here is the story Holy Spirit was telling me:

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I am a birth mother.

You may have friends that have adopted children and you've probably heard them say many times how thankful they are to the birth mother. These women, the birth mothers, have given them the one amazing and precious gift that is second only to the gift of salvation - the gift of a child.

Birth mothers give their children to the only other person who could possibly love them as much as they do, if not more.

Birth mothers give their children to the only other person who could possibly provide more for them. Teach them a little better. Heal them a little more tenderly. Forgive them a little more gracefully. Accept them a little more completely.

Birth mothers give their children to the only other person willing to die for them.

I am a birth mother.

I gave birth to a beautiful baby but, not long after, the Lord took him home to live with Him.

I got in some kisses and some hugs but not nearly enough. I took a few pictures, played a few games but not nearly enough. I carved out some memories and stored up some love, but not nearly enough.

Then my child went to live in his new home with his new parent, his Heavenly Father. The Lord has His reasons - this I understand.

But not nearly enough.

I am a birth mother. My child was adopted into God's family and the Lord will raise him now. I could give my child so much, but the Lord will give him more.

I love my child immeasurably, but the Lord will love him beyond that.

I would've forgiven my child after everything, but the Lord forgives before.

I wouldn't have died in the place of my child, but the Lord already did.

I am a birth mother.

The Lord did not promise me a child to begin with but He gave me one anyway. The Lord did not promise me an indefinite amount of time with my child, but I got some anyway. The Lord did not promise me a life without pain, but I got some joy anyway. But there's is one thing the Lord has promised me and that is a reunion.

And I will live the rest of my days longing for it, for I am a birth mother.

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Please pray for Anna and her family. I know you've never met her & don't know her last name but God will know who you are talking about. Pray the Lord will heal her and her family and bring them through to the other side, together. Thank you.

I'm Working On Something.

I'm working on something BIG. Something BOLD. Something NEW and EXCITING.

Well, I think so anyway. Do you want to know what it is? Okay, I'll tell ya! 'Cause I'm dying to tell ya!

It's a new blog! Yep, that's right a new blog. I'm not ready to unveil it yet. There's some work to be done - you know, decide colors, cute graphics, fonts, etc.

Where does that leave this blog? Well, to be honest, I'm not sure. There's definitely more to write here but I'm really feeling like God is leading me onto something else. I think my work here at The Stumbling Christian is coming to a close and I need to move forward. Challenge myself more. Maybe challenge you more. Maybe the new blog will cause you to challenge me more. I don't know but I'm excited to find out!

I hope you come along with me. I don't know what I'd do without you, quite frankly. As soon as I have it up & running you'll be the first to know!

Meyer Monday

God Has A Plan

If you have a poor self-image, it has already adversely affected your past, but you can be healed and not allow the past to repeat itself. Let go of what lies behind, including any negative ways you have felt about yourself, and press on toward the good things God has in store for you.

God has a good plan and a purpose for each of us and a specific way and perfect time to bring it to pass, but not all of us experience it. Many times we live far below the standard that God intends for us to enjoy.

For years I did not exercise my rights and privileges as a child of God. Although I was a Christian and believed I would go to heaven when I died, I did not know that anything could be done about my past, present or future. I had a poor self-image, and it affected my day-to-day living, as well as my outlook for the future.

Accept God's love for you and make that love the basis for your love and acceptance of yourself. Receive His affirmation, knowing that you are changing and becoming all that He desires you to be. Then start enjoying yourself - where you are - on your way to full spiritual maturity.

~ Joyce Meyer, Being The Person God Made You To Be.

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For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you ope in your final outcome. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

A Truth About Me Part V

I can't believe I haven't written since Monday. Where has my week gone? I have no idea. I thought instead of commenting on Meyer Monday, I would continue with A Truth About Me. It's about time I started to wrap this one up anyway.

When I left you last, I told the story about my dad's death and how it really affected me while I was pretending/believing that it didn't. That was the second wall to go up around my heart, keeping me "safe". With the second wall firmly in place, there was only one person left to keep out.

That was my husband.

Maybe it's taken me so long to write this particular post because this is the most difficult. Who wants to admit that they slowly and methodically walled the love of their life out of their heart? I honestly thought I could do this and maintain a marriage that was "just fine". I got news for you - when one person is not well in the relationship, the relationship is not well.

I can't tell you when I first started working on this third wall. I believe it was not long after my dad's death. You see, at that time I would do anything to not focus on my grief. Crying - any crying for any reason - reminded me of my dad's death. So I focused pretty darn fiercely on NOT crying AT ALL.

Like a lot of wives out there, I would often cry whenever my husband and I had a fight. Or when he'd do that thing that men sometimes do - you know, say something insensitive and stupid and not even realize it. I'll give you an example: my husband once declared that women cry just to manipulate.

Now, I'll go on record to say that, yes, some women do cry in order to get their way but by this time in our relationship we had been together seven years and, in all honesty, he should have known me better than that. I simply don't cry to get my way!

The fact that he said that made it all the more easy for me to shut off that part of my emotional self. He reduces my emotions down to a manipulative school-girl ploy and expects me to just take it? Oh no you don't, Buster! I'll show you! I just won't cry at all!

Ever.

Nothing.

No way!

Zip! Zilch! Done! Whenever I felt that tightening of the throat and prickle in my eyes, I would literally, drill sergeant-style start forbidding myself to cry. I would do all sorts of deep breathing, counting to ten, picturing kittens playing in my head, etc., to make it stop. And, you know what? It worked! I was tear-free in just a matter of a few short weeks!

Now here's a little secret I want to share with you all: You can't shut down one aspect of your emotions without holding the rest hostage. You want to suppress sadness, anger, hurt, grief, pain? Fine. But you are also going to give up joy, happiness, laughter, awe, hope and love. The pendulum can and will swing both ways but you can't just make it stick to one side. Doesn't work that way.

Refusing to let my husband in on all the bad stuff going on inside of me meant I couldn't let him in on all the good stuff, too. No more sharing ideas, thoughts, dreams, amusements, hopes. Nope, it's an all or nothing kind of thing and for my own "safety" I chose nothing.

This does not make for a happy marriage. That's not to say things got ugly around here, they didn't. But growth did not take place. An erosion of sorts occurred instead. Thank the Lord, He got to me before it all crumbled into nothingness.

Fast forward to today: I no longer bury my emotions and cry freely whenever the mood strikes - this is a good thing. My husband and I are in a good place. I'm completely open with him now as I am pretty much with everyone. It wasn't an easy road to hike, these last 12 months or so, but it wasn't all that difficult either. The Lord carried me most of the way, anyway.

I don't know where this story will lead to after this post. There is more to tell you about - how I got from point A to point B and where I'm at with my food addiction now - and I will tell you about it soon. It's just that, really, it's an ongoing process. It never really ends, I suppose. I can tell you this much though - honest self-examination isn't all that pretty and there were some pretty hard pills to swallow. Some of those pills I still have to go!

I hope you continue to join me on this journey!

Are You A Grasshopper?

We read in Numbers 13 of how Moses sent twelve men to scout out the Promised Land to see if it was good or bad. Ten of the men came back with what the Bible refers to as "an evil report" (Numbers 13:32). When the twelve scouts returned, they told Moses, "The land is good, but there are giants in it!"

The fear of the giants prevented God's people from entering the land that He had promised to give them. It wasn't really the giants that defeated these people; it was their poor self-image. They only saw the giants; they failed to see God.

Joshua and Caleb were the only ones who had a proper attitude toward the land. They said to Moses and the people. "Let us go up at once and possess it; we are well able to conquer it" (Numbers 13:30). In the end, they were the only ones who were allowed by God to go into the Promised Land.

God had a glorious future planned for all of the Israelites, but all of them did not enter into that future - only the ones who had a proper attitude toward God and toward themselves.

~ Joyce Meyer, Being The Person God Made You To Be.

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There we saw the Nephilim [or giants], the sons of Anak, who come from the giants; and we were in our own sights as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight. ~ Numbers 13:33

Super Savings Saturday

It's Super Savings Saturday over at MoneySavingMom.com again. If you have yet to wander on over to Crystal's site, you need to go now. Right now!

Go on, get! I'll wait.

Okay, now that you're back - see, I knew you'd like it - I need your help.

I've decided that while the savings are great buying items on sale and with coupons, I think I can do better by making more at home from scratch. This will be quite a task considering I'm basically someone who meanders through the kitchen either to, A) get a cookie or B) make my way to the bathroom on the other side. I'm not much of a cook is what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, I've decided to drastically cut back on buying anything in a box (except pasta, I'm simply NOT going to learn how to make my own pasta) such as Hamburger Helper, PastaRoni, brownie & cake mixes, rice mixes, etc. I like the fact that I'll also be throwing away less as well.

I have recipes for cakes and brownies, so I'm good there. What I really need are sauce mixes. Sauces to put over pastas, chicken, turkey and whatnot. Crockpot ideas would be MOST helpful!

Care to help a super savings sister out? Leave me one or two of your favorite recipes. Nothing too difficult, I'm a kitchen newbie remember!

I really appreciate your help! Thanks in advance!